Plant a Seed

Immediate Volunteer

Initially I was not able to attend the class ( Buddhist Beginner Class that organize by the BMSM Youth Section) but there is always a reason I was able to listen to the talk. The talk was delivered by Dato’ Dr Victor Wee, one of the founders of the Buddhism Class.

Honestly, I didn’t prepare myself for attending the course. However, I was prepared to become the volunteer in helping up and also an “amateur” photographer. The most important was not the photo section, it was the talk, the messages that delivered by the Speaker.

The Messages

It happen that I had the chance to listen to the dhamma talk while captured the class photos. Something really strikes me…

“When we have a seed example a mango seed and we plant it. How many fruits will it produce by a single tree?” Asked by the speaker.

“Many!!!” All the students gave the same answered at the same time.

Many Fruits- Many Effects

Then only I realized if we had done an action, it will not only have one consequence. However, it will have many many different consequences. Just like the Mango Tree, one mango seed grow into a mango tree, the mango tree will come out a lot of mangos. So, I cannot always make assumption that the “action/ speech/ thought” will have “the only effect”. It will not turn out to be our expectation. There are a lot more unexpected things will happen.

Plant a Seed

From today on, when I start to plant a seed, I will not have any high expectation. The most important messages- avoid evil and do good because the action/ speech/ thought that we had did in the past will ripen in different ways. It might ripen immediately, in the present or in the future. So, plant a good seed without any hope and expectation, and it will grow a lot of fruits.

Alarm Call ( Part 2)

Continue..

So, in my case, the client didn't use the " correct" word when he/ she asked me. The client should use LOCATION rather that ADDRESS.

All this misunderstanding is unnessarry but it is avoidable. Why all this problems always occurs among human? I bet all of us know the answer is - "Lack Of Communication."

There are a lot of reason behind that cause "lack of communication". Let us check which reason that we always use.

1. I don't want to tell them, they never listen. (We always said they NEVER listen, do they really never listen. Anyway, we have to tell them if this is related to them. HOwever, all depend on the situation that we are facing. )
2. Or I am shy/afraid/no confidence to share because I am still new to the society/company. ( I belong to this type of people," should I tell or not, Mm... Better not, because I am new here, lack of experiences compare to other people." Do you feel familiar with this kind though?)
3. We always focus on the person who arise the problem but not the solution. ( e.g. Usually we like to pin-point people when something happen or focus on the problem itself. Most of the time, it will end up in mess. However, if we go straight to the solution and let go about the person in charge, the discussion will carry on smoothly. The most important statement is- who never make mistake in their life? The most difficult part is- learn to forgive people. )
4. We talk but we don't allow people to talk and we don't listen to other people opinion. ( I have seen this kind of people, very annoying but when we think deeply, we sometime do behave like this. )
5. Or another typical one, let them talk and don't pay attention at all. They don't even know what is going on in their surrounding. When something hapeen that related to him/her then only raise up the issue. But all this already mention in the meeting. Some of us too stuborn and don't admit this is our fault. )

Generally, we have to learn the proper way of talking, the non-verbal ( body movement, facial expression) part before we deliver a message to other to people. Always be aware that, when we focus an issue, please don't pin- point to the person in charge and always go for solution. Don't always focus on the problem, if not, the problem will grow bigger and bigger.

Another motivation for us to learn, learn to take care our speech and action. But 1st thing to learn- is to learn to control our mind.

Alarm Call ( Part 1)

The " alarm call" that i try to say here - is not the usual alarm that wake us up in the morning, is the phone call that alarmed me recently.

The part of my job nature is to answer phone call. The maximum calls i receive a day can reach more than 20 calls. It mean that i have increase the chances of talk to stranger blindly through the phone everday. Before i start to work , all the phone call i receive 90% are the person that i know. Of cause, all kind of languages, tone, pitch etc we use while we chatting with our friends is totally different with when you working and talk to your client. Definitely we have to speak softly, politely and answerable. Customer is always the right one. ( Familiar right?)

I really have a big problem dealing with phone call. No experiences at all.

" Hi, XXXX company, I'm XXXXX( customer service), May i help you?"

"Who is on the line?"

" XXXX is not available now, would you like to leave a message for him?"

Honestly, i never use this kind of sentences when i talk to my family and friends. It is kind of challege to pick it up in the beginning. Slowly slowly, I kind of master it. Mm... not all, just few lines that i mention before.

But, how about some "nervous" client call in? ( Franckly i would like to address them as "nasty", however, look in the good side, they might be in the rush or is their inborn character.) . Truthly speaking, it really make me tense and nervous with such a "nervous" client.

This is what happen to me last few weeks,

• phone ringing," tutu.. tutu..."


• " Morning, XXXX company. May i help you?" ( Me)
  
• " Yes, may i know your company ADDRESS? ( speak with high pitch and nervours tone)
  
• So, I told the client our company ADDRESS?


• " What are you talking about, i want your ADRESS, LIKE KUALA LUMPUR OR KLANG?" (the client started to shout at me in the phone, i can't get what the client want, do you get it?)


• " Yes We are in XXXX, Near XXXX. " ( Yes , Bingo, Finally i get the answer that the client want)
  
• " Finally you said something i want. You should said it in the beginning near XXXX. So, tell me how should i go if i from XXXX?" ( the client get frustrated very fast, and seriously that i am not good in road direction because i seldom drive and i can't remember the road names.)


• " Sorry, can i pass you to my collegue to direct you?"

After i passed the phone to my collegue, the client told my collegue," you should teach your staff how to talk? How can she doesn't know how to talk and doesn't know the location she works now. " . My collegue was nice and told her," she is a new staff here. " The whole conversation, the client refused to tell his/her name.

Oh, it really knock my head. Quite alarming right? I really felt like i am " stupid". The only thing i can do, just let go the incident. I won't blame the client for being harsh to me, the client might in the rush, or not in the good mood, or is the client habit. Or it can be my fault by not being kind enough to her, and surely i have to brush up my direction ( road maps). I will just tell myself, " another new things to learn."

I always lucky to have a person to guide me in my daily life- my hubby. I don't know it is useful or not , i never try it before. But i will try it once i get a " Alarm Call " again, can't wait to try it.

1. When we face this kind of "rude" people at the other side of phone, We can say,:" Hi, can you please speak politely to me. I can't get what you want when you shouting in the phone. " (I think this is the good one.)



2. If the person still continue shouting at the phone, we can say," Sorry i can't hear you." and then we just hang up the phone.

May be this is very rude to the person, however the person is being rude to us too. If you speak politely to other, and the other party keep on shouting at you. Do you think it can work out? Do you think you can get what the person want? I doubt it, because when we receive that kind of phone, we will feel annoyed and sad. HOw to concentrate?

So, 1st step, tell the person politely," can you please talk politely and properly with me. I can't hear you when you shouting in the phone. If you still want to shout, i will hang up your phone. " If someone shouting at you, do you think you can grab what he going to tell you. May be you will ended up with a lot of question marks in your mind. " What did he/ she trying to tell me?".

To be continue....

Laugh it Off

When I am on "Fire" ( In my own word " Fire" mean "Angry" .) , my speech will be like the machine gun shooting non-stop. However, I am lucky to have my hubby that always willing to lend his ears for me. The funniest part is- he is very patient and he always burst out in laughter once i start to complaint and angry.

Initially, I am annoyed that why he can laugh at me when i was so fustrated. He said I am very funny when i was complaning. The expression, the tone, the content... He feel very funny. Ended up, we both laugh together. And i totally forget about the incident that brought me to suffering.

He told me he had a ex-collegue who was a contractor. He was amazed that his capabablity. What is that so amazed? Being a contractor, they can't run away from been scolding by the clients. ( As far as i know, Not only contractor will be scold by the clients, other occupation do have the same condition. ) So, the amazing part was the ex-collegue always laugh when the clients or boss scolded him, they scolded louder and louder and he will laugh louder and louder. he didn't became a coward while been scolded by the bosses or client, he just laugh it out. He said, that was no point being scare or sad when you scold by other people. People scold you with their own reason, whether personal or not. He wouldn't take it seriously unless is his mistake, but he will just laugh it off.

Well, i do not know how you will feel when you angry and scolding the person and the person just laugh it off. I admit that i was angry with my hubby for being not paying attenttion to me. After awhile, i will laugh with him. Now, everytime i start complaining, hubby will start laughing, and we ended up laughing. It really stop my "Fire".

I wondering, why am i always complaint, why am i so angry with other people speech and action...Why can't i get along well with other people... I have a deep consideration that i always think too much. I always create a lot of thinking when someone talk an issue especially related to my own moral preception. I realized i become the judge and start to judge other people by complaining. The Fire on by myself without light up by other people. Other people action and speech is out of our control, and we are certainly not a judge that can enforce punishment.

The only thing we can do is -do not repeat the same mistake that people had make but learn and cultivate the good things from other and develope it. Judging people will make ourselves suffer, we are suffer because of people wrong doing. Do you think is wise enough to suffer like this? Do you think is worth to be angry?

The story behind of the person that get angry and scold us are far away from our understanding. We have no idea what happen to them before that cause them suffering. We do not know their background, education level and a lot more things we do not about them even though we have friend for 10 years. As well as our parents and sibling.

So, don't get emotional easily. Don't get on fire easily too. Do not punish yourself because of other people wrong doing. Take it easy and laugh it off when you on fire.

A blind Man

Surprisingly that the scenery outside my house can be so attractive. We never notice it until i snatch the view down with the camera.





We are lucky that we have eyes to see the beauty of the world. A lot of people take things as granted.

Let me tell you all a story, I suppose most of you heard this story before.

There was a man had sick and been hospitalize. He was been put in the same room with another patient. The room only have one window and he hope he was the one sleeping beside the window.

However, it was occupied by the patient that admitted earlier than him. Everyday, the man that slept beside the window will describe the view that he saw at the window. How it look like during winter, spring... A happy couple with the children walk by... He was so desperately wanted to see himself.

One day, the man slept beside him passed away. He asked the nurse permission so that he can sleep beside the window. Finally he was slept beside the window. When he sit up and look outside the window, it was just a wall. There was nothing outside, nothing like the man describe. So, he asked the nurse about the man that always told him a lot story outside the window. The nurse said may be he just wanted to encourage you and he was a blind man.

What do we learn from the story?

I would like to share another short story; there were 2 prison been caught in the different cell. One of them look at the sky and stars with hope. Another one just kept complaining and angry with himself and the surrounding.

So, what do you think about this story?


Hope the story with you some inspiration.

An Appologize

When I grown up and become independent, I know that someone owe my mom an apologies.... Not only one but a lot a lot...

My mom is a kindhearted lady. A very hardworking mom, sister, and daughter to the family. She likes to help people and without complained even though other still put blame on her. Where on earth we can find a good person like this. I am glad that she is my mom and always be.

However, someone broke my mom heart very deep... I can feel it even my mom never said a word. Until one day, when all of us planned and decided to help our relatives that were in dilemma, " someone" burst out, "Why I need to involve and give money to help them? You all never help me when I had problems last time. I angry you all and you especially because you plan all this!". It was really hurt, I don't know how my mom handle her feeling but she deserve an " apologize" from her. As far as I know, my mom help "someone" a lot in the passed, she even helped the person in finance. We are not from a rich family even we don't have enough in finance but we willing to help if our relative in trouble.

So many years and the misunderstanding accumulating. No chance to explain and solve the "knots". One misunderstanding equal to a knot. Thousand of misunderstanding, thousand of knots. When we can solve it and open up all the knots? I don't know we are given any chance to solve the problem, because "someone" had diagnosed with third stage cancer. Someone refused all the western and eastern medicine treatment. We tried, my mom tried to help but "someone" scolded my mom for being busy body.

Few months later, "someone" passed away in a sudden. All of us shocked, and I was not in town for the funeral. Then only I have realized that, we don't have " forgive and forget" in our dictionary. If we start to forgive each other, we will not be upset by other people speak, action and thought. We must learn to forgive and understand others, because all of us are unique. We have different identity because we are from different background, education, growing up environment, influences.... A lot of differences between all of us, that is why we are so unique. That is how the attraction and opposition occur between people. If we are the same, same background, education level, environment... I bet you all can imagine that. Initially, we are happy we are same, slowly we feel bore with it. The differences make our life beautiful, full of colour just like rainbow.

An apologize is not as important as the lesson i have learned. Forgive is a endless love toward beings, practice it and the world will always in peace and harmony. Forgiving other is not easy especially our own self. Learn to let go and forgiving then we will see some unexpected effect.

Rest in peace My " someone", we forgive you and hope you forgive us. The most important, please also forgive yourself.


" Whenever we hate someone, we are hating some part of ourselves that we can see in that person. We don't get worked up about anything that is not in ourselves. " - Hermann Hesse

Everyone is My teacher

Almost every Sunday i need to attend a 3 hours class. I have been attend the class since last year so i need to sacrifice a lot for attending the class. For example i can't go for long holiday if crash with the classes.

Last Sunday 60 of us attended the class which was a new speaker. However it turned our to be different that we were expected. Few of us felt bored with the talk. One of my friend even disappointed because he rushed back from outstation just to attend the class and he had a unfinished assignment that need to pass up the next day but the class didn't manage to reach his expectation.

Frankly speaking, the class really upset me because i had expected high from the speaker and it didn't reach our level. Surprisingly, the speaker pointed out two very important points to us.

The 1st point:

The speaker asked us:" Why the Japanese bow down 45 degree everytime they meet people?"

All of us gave different answer, finally one of the participants answered:" They treat every one as their "sinsei" ( teacher). " Everyone is our teacher because we can learn something from everyone no matter they are your best friend or your enermy. For example, If someone hurt you and failed you in your past, if we went throught the hardship, we become more tougher than last time. So, do you think they still your enemies? It is good that we can reflect on it. Another example was, strangers that occur in the media, they also can be our teacher. All the people that trying to help the people in Haiti, we also can learn from their action. Everyone is our teacher even animal also can be our teacher. I watched a video sent by my friend, that was a dog risk his life and tried to save his friend (dog) in the middle of the highway which was hurt after an run and hit. I was shock after i watch the video. I wish to share with all of you but sorry that i had delete the email. SO, everyone can be our teacher, it depend on how we look at it.

The 2nd point i learned that day is:

Everyone of us have their own perception and expectation. Because of difference in perception adn expectation, people tend to have conflict. The meaning of conflict i learn that day - 2 party have disaggrement in a same issue. The key word is - " disaggreement".

One story was given by the speaker; the husband was hungry and told the wife that he went out to eat. The wife thought that the husband will bring food for her even thought she didn't ask him to do so. When the husband came back with empty hand, the wife became angry. The husband was confused that why the wife angry suddently and without reason. Then the conflict arise. Why? The wife perception is- if the husband love her, he will buy food for her without asking. So, she has expected the husband to bring her food- this is expectation. Because of different perception in each invidual, then the " expectation" will rise up. This is all the conflict start with. There was no wrong and right when conflict happen, it is because of the 2 parties have different perception lead to different expectation then turn out to be conflict between 2 parties.

Everyone of us is unique because we raise up in different backgroup, different education, different culture and a lot different the way we have been brought up. So, we no need to be upset and angry towards other party when conflict happen. It happen is because of different perception and expectation. So, the conflict is not the problem. The main problem is- the person involve in the conflict never try to deal and solve the conflict.

It was quite fascinating after the class finished, if i think back again. The class was not that boring and disappointed, it was my perception and expectation that make the class not interested. I did learn something from the speaker, it was really a great " A-Ha". Suddently the light strike at my head. The speaker is my teacher because he enlightened me. My friend that was dissapointed is my teacher too, because of him i will not tried to find the goodness in the class.

Thanks for everyone who has passed by my life. All of you are my great teacher. Thanks for everything that all of you had gave me. Thanks

Stand up! My friend.

Yesterday, i received a call from my dear friend while i was working. She sound very sad and depress. She uttered out hardly the few words, ' friend, i failed...'. A long silent between us through the phone. I could heard her sigh and breathing. As a friend, i needed to think properly before i send out my message correctly to her. I did not want to hurt her because of my wrong speech. It took me few minutes to ask her, ' You failed the exam?'. I tried to reconfirm with her to make sure i get the right message. "ya, i failed. Can you tell me, what should i do now? What can i do now?'. Her voice filled with sadness. I paused quite long to think about her question.

These was a very hard situation for my friend. She tried so hard and study for the exam. The " passing" of the exam give her the route to her future destination. She became aimless and hopeless after all this hardworking turned out to be nothing for her. These was how far i can understand her feeling. The worst thing that hurt her so much and deep- other people that she think they were not qualified enough to pass the exam- they passed. It was totally unfair regarding to her .

I felt so sorry to her for what had happening to her. As a friend, i tried my best to calm her down. However, i could not answer her the question,' What can she do now?'

After i had been through my primary school, secondary school, Form 6 until unversity. I had been sit for so many exam throughout my life. The total of exam countless. There were few major exam in my life that i had use a lot of effort to score it and to use it to achieve my target.

I was a very simple person, i will set an ambition and study hard. If i get fantastic score, i will go higher education to reach my target. If i manage to pass my exam without any outstanding grade. I will purchase my dream in a different way. So, i won't be so disappointed anyway. I still could remember when i sat for Form 5 exam final exam( SPM). When the result came out, i didn't score with flying color. I was happy with my "passed" exam but felt sad with the Chinese subject which was my favorite subject turned out to be grade "C". I expected to be better grade. Never mind, it was just a test. The result cannot decide my success in future. Even though the result has some effect in my future. As long as i passed my exam and i could continue my study in college or Form 6. However, there was an incident happen while i took my result slip that day. There was a girl shouting and crying in front of the assembly hall. I thought she scored badly in her exam. Then only i found out she not satisfied with her result because she didn't managed to score all 10 subjects grade" A" in her exam. She only scored 9 "A". Is she a perfectionist? I wondered during that time. There were some of my friend went home with sad and sour face. I knew by heart most probably they didn't manage to pass the exam.

Of cause, some of them still felt disagree and unfair with the result. The most unfair part-the person who did not qualified enough had passed the exam or gained acknowledgment. All this kind of fair or unfairness things always happen at our surrounding. Actually, we do not need to be angry or sad with those unfair issues. Everything happen in our life is a combination of many factors. Some of the factor will bring you a big effects or small effects, we will never know. The exam paper mark by the examiner. We lose marks may be due to our writing, we didn't get to the point or didn't go straight to the point, didn't write enough point to according to the total marks given and etc... There are a lot of factors from our own selves or may be the examiners. We will never know. So, why we have to upset with all the unfairness when we don't know what is the reason of the unfairness? Why don't we use our time efficiently to find out our strength and weaknesses in the study and strive again. We will not lose anything if we resit the exam, we will only need extra year to reach our target. It doesn't mean we won't achieve our ambition. We just take longer time compare to other people. Why upset about that? No one ask us to compare. There is no rules said we must finish in certain time than only can archive and success.

Just like the story of the turtle and the rabbit. No matter you are the fastest or the slowest you will reach the final destination also. We also will success if we are the turtle. No one can stop you for purchasing your dream. We are the only one who stop ourselves to look forward. If we allow people to influence our life, it is mean that we are control by other. It doesn't mean that we don't listen to other people advices and opinions. We must appreciate them by listen with wisdom. We have to digest first which advice and opinion is suitable and usable. Then we only apply it in our life. We are the one who walk the path, the people surrounding us - they are just passed by. They won't follow us or accompany us to the end of our life.

So, stand up my friend. All my friends stand up, raise up your spirit now. Don't let the failure or challenge in your life stop you to go forward. Face the challenges and walk through it. We will learn some lesson whatever challenges in the life. We can do it as long as we have faith and confidence in ourselves. Stand up! my friend.


" Do not resent the heavens for one's fate,
do not blame our problems on other.
realize the negative cause lies within by us,
can only be changed by us,
resolved by us with understanding, diligence, love. "


" So often, we forget to be thankful.
but while we all have problems,
experience difficult relationships,
fail in our undertakings,
there are many things in our live to be thankful for.
all we have to do is to slow down, take note, value them and be thankful."

Art of "speaking"

After get married, i had been "hiding" in the house( jobless) for few months. My friend that I used to talk to is -my spouse because my friends of circle become smaller and smaller after married. All my friends are working and now i live quite a distance from my hometown. So, the circle of my friends become many to few... Slowly slowly, i connect my friends through internet. I am so used to communicate using the electronic technologies until i lost the most basic and important tool- human communication.

I didn't find out i had lost such abilities until i start to go to work for my first. day.I realized i don't like to talk with people so much. I just smile with them then i continue my work. I totally like a "odd" person in the office. Sometime, i don't even have the courage to say thanks to the person who introduce the job to me. The worst part is- i intended to write a " thank you" letter to mail to the person. Luckily I don't need to knock my own head, my spouse already " give me a long lesson" in " how to deal and communicate with people?" . It was such a long lesson and it took me few days to digest it. Awkwardly, i managed to say thanks to them. Inside my heart, i am so grateful to their help but i just don't used to it.

The 1st lesson of communication in human relationship is- We must acknowledge people kindness in helping us even is a small act. Be grateful and appreciate people who help us. We should not just ignore or become egoistic that think people should help you in any way. We must remember that no people must give hand to us during the hardship. It is because they have the kind-heart that want to help us to get over the difficulties. They no need to help us because they won't get anythings and didn't think of get some benefits form helping us. Of course, we not need to buy a expensive to show our appreciation. A word of " thanks " is good enough.

"Even the smallest gift, given from the unselfish and caring heart, is a gift of great heart."

Second lesson of the "Art of speaking" i learned when i joined a discussion with our mentor. We were meeting with the mentor for some advice for our new activities. In the beginning, i had told all of you i lost the tool of communication. I was totally did not know the purpose of the meeting. I just like the outsider among them. Sitting there doing nothing in the discussion. My friends throw out a lot of question to the mentor. The advisor answered them with patience and compassion and wisely. I was the only one felt like the question were mindless or too common. One of the brother asked a statement to seek for the opinion. I quickly disagreed with him because the statement was not totally correct. The brother stunned and utter-less. But the adviser was very kind and answered his question. I didn't realized i had put the brother in a " embarrassed" condition. After the meeting finished, suddenly i felt like my head had been knock by the rock. I found out i had make a small mistake. They were having a interview session with the adviser so that could get more different opinion from different people. I was the only " innocent rabbit" that run into the group and caused a chaos to them. They have to ask a common question or current phenomenon in the society to the mentor so that they can get different idea and perspective. I shouldn't disagreed with the brother on the spot. I should be understand the condition and give the brother chances to talk and give opinion. Even though is not a interview session, whenever we have a discussion, we must give people opportunities to talk and give common. We as a listener should not disagree with them immediately, we should think first and try to understand what is the messages people try to convey to us. Second lesson is - give other people to talk and we be the active listener. Do not judge a person statement immediately, try to understand why they said so before we come to a conclusion.


"Listen to others non-judgmentally and impartially, without thoughts of condemnation,self -interest, evaluation. "

There are still a lot to learn the " art of speaking". Please think before we speak. Words can be like a sharp knife, once we said it out, the wound will never recover. There is always a wound.

Speak wisely.

"When about to speak of one to another,
consider first if you would say it directly to that person-
same intention
same words
same tone,
if not, it is best to remain silent. "

Hijack???

Yesterday i went for a interesting course, these was the 4th class that i had attended. The class was about Emotional Intelligence.

We always heard people said we must think before we act. Honestly, do we really think before we act? Or most of the time we are influence by our emotion? For example, when we heard about Mega sales or promotion, how do we feel? Another example, when we scolded or blame by other party, what come to our mind first? Ya, angry and wanted to scold back the person. Then, the emotional come first. There are a lot of things happen in the daily life, if we recall and think properly, our emotional come first. We seldom and rarely will think before we act.

There was a new words i learned during the course- Amygdala Hijacks. Amygdala Hijacks mean---- we respond to the condition before we think. My speaker told us most of us, everyday 99% we will experience Amygdala Hijacks. We all will respond before we think. What is Amygdala? Amygdala is a part of our brain. The function of Amygdala just found out this 5-6 years. What is the function? Amygdala is the site of our emotion and also a site of "fight and flight" respond. All our emotional come from Amygdala.

I do agree that i have Amygdala Hijacks everyday. For example, if the food i cook didn't turn out to be nice, i will be disappointed and angry why i can't cook well. In this condition, i have "hijack" again. I had influence by my emotion. I should think in a positive way, " at least i know one of the bad cooking method. i can try other cooking method." Then my mood would not be affected. Everyday will be "Hijack". Sometime i don't even realize that i am influence by my emotion. The respond is being repeated so many years until it had become my habit. Automatically respond to the surrounding.

There is something that we will always affected by our emotion- when we scold or blame or angry by other people. How do we feel? Sure, i will feel angry. If i was being blame blindly, i will scold and fight back. If i did wrong, i still feel very angry with the person. The worst respond, is may be few of us will end up beat the person. What is all this indicating? It is all our emotion. If we think properly, who is the one is angry in this condition? Ya, is the person who scold, angry or blaming us. So, the person is angry, why we should react and why we should angry. All this is Amygdala hijack.

So, how to deal with the "Hijack"? We must always aware our emotion. We must always ask why we angry? why we have hatred? Always think before we react to our surrounding. Of course it is very difficult. We can slowly train ourselves. We know that we always influence by our emotion. So, we must always aware what is the trigger and try to deal it differently. We can cultivate and nurture more positive values, like compassion, loving kindness, joy and equanimity. Other than that, we always must be aware our bad habits, slowly improve ourselves.

Don't be upset you still having "hijack", it is normal. It is good enough as long as your total of "hijack" reduce everyday.


" suffering arises from our own untamed minds,
to find genuine happiness,
discipline the mind and eliminate the negative states. "

My Past- will pass.

We usually will realize and regret when the end of day come. I always heard people said, " human will tell the true before they die." And a lot of things happen in the pass that was undone or unfinished. All unveil before we close up our eyes forever.

However, it is good we can recall the things that happen in the pass. I only have my own time after i had been graduated from university. I have being disappearing for so long with my school friend. I never had time to join the gathering, sometime once in a blue moon. There was always had a lot of reasons about busying in my study. Finally i start to keep track with them. When i started to surf the net and open up all my email. I found out i hardly keep in touch with my list of friends in the email contact list. Surprisingly, i was outdated because i had not join the current famous network " facebook".

When i started to use it, it really give me a lot of surprise. I managed to find friends and the most amazing is ---- I found someone that really special to me during my secondary school. She was my "daughter" during that school time. We stopped contact each other after a "misunderstood". I have a lot of things wanted to tell her especially " sorry". I was glad that I found her and first of the action i took was----- said sorry to her and I hope she still remember me after so many years.

I was so happy that she accepted me back as a friend. Both of us slowly built up our relationship. After that i realized, there are among of us that do not want to look back to the past especially the one had did something wrong and make them shame of the past. So, there are people do not want to meet their old school friends or the person that knew about the "shame" past. Their friend occurrence will give them flashback or trauma to them. I am too have one or 2 friends that i do not wish to meet them again because they had hurt me in the past. Their present will bring back the "pain" again to me.

However, i had the chance to meet back the friend that i never think of seeing him again. He messaged me and arranged a time to meet me. Even though how reluctant I was during that time, i do not know what excuses to use to reject him. Deep inside my heart, i really wish that he will apologize to me. I knew these kind of thinking was kind of "childish". How can I expect a person that we have lost contact for so long come to say sorry to you because of the wrong action in the past.

The date turned out to be 2 strangers talking nothing. We became stranger because we didn't contact and didn't have each other recent update. It was a strange and uncomfortable date. We were best friend before and we had "fight" in the past. 2 of us from 2 totally different world. He had stopped furthering his study and now working. I was still a university student when i met him. It was kind a good experience to meet somebody that you don't wish to meet. We never talked about the past. The "past" was not important at all during the gathering. No anger and hatred between us. Then only i realized all the while i was the one who was angry with him. I was the one who keep all the bad memory. The other party still continue their life when i was angry. I really learn a big lesion from the gathering. Don't let the past hunt us down. Make all the past become our learning lesion. We must learn to treasure the "present". If we keep on thinking about the past, we will lost our present moment and also our future.

Everything happen in the past have pass. This is what i always said, when something dislike happen to us on the present moment, just tell yourself : "This will also pass." All the things happen in the past that make us suffering, a lot of us can't even recall back how badly we hurt and suffered that time. So, what bothering you the most now, never mind- this will also pass.


" Yesterday was a history,
tomorrow is a miracle,
today is a gift, that is why we called it as--- present".

090909

090909 was a auspicious day, a lot of couples choose to tie their knot on that day. Wish them have a happy marriage and everlasting relationship.

On the other hand, there was an incident happen on that same day that stirred my mind...
I went out with my sister in law to buy foods for our dinner. When we on the way walked to the supermarket, I saw an elderly man walked in a very slow pace with an umbrella and a walking stick. I felt sympathy for him and I wondered did he need some help. I wondered...

After we finished buying the foods, we crossed over the road because we wanted to buy some snack foods for our supper. On the way walked to our car, we saw the elderly man again standing at the road side. It was so dangerous. First thing came across into our mind was- Did he need our help to cross the road? ( It was funny that when we saw a elderly person, the first things come across to over mind always is -- they need help to cross over the road.)

We approached the man and asked him, does he need help to cross over the road. He said he was trying to stop a taxi to send him home but there was no taxi willing to send him home. So, we decided to send him home. I was waiting with him at the roadside while my sister went to take the car.

He told me he had to buy his dinner himself because his son went for dating. The son will come home only by 10pm and mostly will not buy foods for him. By the time, he will be very hungry and ended up didn't eat anything. He said he now 80 years old plus and the son 50 years old plus. He has no energy to "fight" with the son. The wife had passed away and left him with the son. He wished the wife could passed away after Chinese new year, but she left him earlier. Currently no people really take care of him.

I was so sympathize and empathize him. He need someone to be a listener and share his story. Just a short while, he told me a lot of things about his family. I helped him to get into the car and he said usually people scolded him for being slow. He took more effort in walking compare to us. Our one step took him 10-15 steps. So, we can imagine how slow he walk and how long he take to reach a place.

On the way to his house, he continued to tell us about him... until he reached the house.

One day, i will grow old like him... I will be alone... I will have a lot of sickness... I cannot prevent all this happen to me in the future.

There is " The Code of Disciplines for the Layman", name as " Sigalovada sutta" is the Buddha teaching which emphasized social relations among various member of a society. There are 6 quarters; the parents as the East, teachers as the South, wife and husband as the West, friends and associates as the North, servant and employees as the Nadir, ascetics and brahmins as the Zenith. We can learn from the " Sigalovada sutta" how to play our roles as a parents, children, spouses and other. I will list down 3 roles as parents, children and spouses.

Parents and Child ( East)
A) in 5 ways, householder's son, a child should minister to his parents as the East:

1. being supported i shall support them,
2. i shall do their duties,
3. i shall keep the family lineage,
4. i shall act in such a way as to be worthy if my inheritance,
5. furthermore, i shall offer alms in honour of my departed relatives.

B) in 5 ways, householder's son, the parents who are thus should ministered to by their children as the East show their compassion:

1. they dissuade them from evil,
2. they persuade them to do good,
3. they teach them an art,
4. they would give them in marriage to a suitable partners
5. at the proper time, they would hand over to them their inheritance.

Wife and Husband ( West)
A) in 5 ways, householder's son, should a wife as the West be ministered by a Husband:

1. by courtesy
2. by not despising her
3. by faithfulness
4. by handing over authority to her
5. by providing her with ornaments

B) the wife who is thus ministered by her husband as the west shows her compassion to her husband in 5 ways:

1. she performs her duties in perfect order
2. she is hospitable to visitors
3. she is faithful
4. she protects what he brings
5. she is industrious and not lazy in discharging her duties

There are a lot to learn to be a parents , children and husband/ wife. If we take good care of our parents, our children will take good care of us. There is a connection and continuation.

Finally, i wish the elderly man has a happy life. May he be well and healthy. Hope there are people have the compassion to help people especially the elderly one. Don't forget that, we will grow old one day, we need families and people to take care of us in the future. So, we must have the initiative to help people in the first place. The connection will start and continuation will follow.


" As a mother protects her only son with her life,

we too can cultivate a boundless love for all beings.

eventually our love will pervade the whole world."

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