After get married, i had been "hiding" in the house( jobless) for few months. My friend that I used to talk to is -my spouse because my friends of circle become smaller and smaller after married. All my friends are working and now i live quite a distance from my hometown. So, the circle of my friends become many to few... Slowly slowly, i connect my friends through internet. I am so used to communicate using the electronic technologies until i lost the most basic and important tool- human communication.
I didn't find out i had lost such abilities until i start to go to work for my first. day.I realized i don't like to talk with people so much. I just smile with them then i continue my work. I totally like a "odd" person in the office. Sometime, i don't even have the courage to say thanks to the person who introduce the job to me. The worst part is- i intended to write a " thank you" letter to mail to the person. Luckily I don't need to knock my own head, my spouse already " give me a long lesson" in " how to deal and communicate with people?" . It was such a long lesson and it took me few days to digest it. Awkwardly, i managed to say thanks to them. Inside my heart, i am so grateful to their help but i just don't used to it.
The 1st lesson of communication in human relationship is- We must acknowledge people kindness in helping us even is a small act. Be grateful and appreciate people who help us. We should not just ignore or become egoistic that think people should help you in any way. We must remember that no people must give hand to us during the hardship. It is because they have the kind-heart that want to help us to get over the difficulties. They no need to help us because they won't get anythings and didn't think of get some benefits form helping us. Of course, we not need to buy a expensive to show our appreciation. A word of " thanks " is good enough.
"Even the smallest gift, given from the unselfish and caring heart, is a gift of great heart."
Second lesson of the "Art of speaking" i learned when i joined a discussion with our mentor. We were meeting with the mentor for some advice for our new activities. In the beginning, i had told all of you i lost the tool of communication. I was totally did not know the purpose of the meeting. I just like the outsider among them. Sitting there doing nothing in the discussion. My friends throw out a lot of question to the mentor. The advisor answered them with patience and compassion and wisely. I was the only one felt like the question were mindless or too common. One of the brother asked a statement to seek for the opinion. I quickly disagreed with him because the statement was not totally correct. The brother stunned and utter-less. But the adviser was very kind and answered his question. I didn't realized i had put the brother in a " embarrassed" condition. After the meeting finished, suddenly i felt like my head had been knock by the rock. I found out i had make a small mistake. They were having a interview session with the adviser so that could get more different opinion from different people. I was the only " innocent rabbit" that run into the group and caused a chaos to them. They have to ask a common question or current phenomenon in the society to the mentor so that they can get different idea and perspective. I shouldn't disagreed with the brother on the spot. I should be understand the condition and give the brother chances to talk and give opinion. Even though is not a interview session, whenever we have a discussion, we must give people opportunities to talk and give common. We as a listener should not disagree with them immediately, we should think first and try to understand what is the messages people try to convey to us. Second lesson is - give other people to talk and we be the active listener. Do not judge a person statement immediately, try to understand why they said so before we come to a conclusion.
"Listen to others non-judgmentally and impartially, without thoughts of condemnation,self -interest, evaluation. "
There are still a lot to learn the " art of speaking". Please think before we speak. Words can be like a sharp knife, once we said it out, the wound will never recover. There is always a wound.
Speak wisely.
"When about to speak of one to another,
consider first if you would say it directly to that person-
same intention
same words
same tone,
if not, it is best to remain silent. "
I didn't find out i had lost such abilities until i start to go to work for my first. day.I realized i don't like to talk with people so much. I just smile with them then i continue my work. I totally like a "odd" person in the office. Sometime, i don't even have the courage to say thanks to the person who introduce the job to me. The worst part is- i intended to write a " thank you" letter to mail to the person. Luckily I don't need to knock my own head, my spouse already " give me a long lesson" in " how to deal and communicate with people?" . It was such a long lesson and it took me few days to digest it. Awkwardly, i managed to say thanks to them. Inside my heart, i am so grateful to their help but i just don't used to it.
The 1st lesson of communication in human relationship is- We must acknowledge people kindness in helping us even is a small act. Be grateful and appreciate people who help us. We should not just ignore or become egoistic that think people should help you in any way. We must remember that no people must give hand to us during the hardship. It is because they have the kind-heart that want to help us to get over the difficulties. They no need to help us because they won't get anythings and didn't think of get some benefits form helping us. Of course, we not need to buy a expensive to show our appreciation. A word of " thanks " is good enough.
"Even the smallest gift, given from the unselfish and caring heart, is a gift of great heart."
Second lesson of the "Art of speaking" i learned when i joined a discussion with our mentor. We were meeting with the mentor for some advice for our new activities. In the beginning, i had told all of you i lost the tool of communication. I was totally did not know the purpose of the meeting. I just like the outsider among them. Sitting there doing nothing in the discussion. My friends throw out a lot of question to the mentor. The advisor answered them with patience and compassion and wisely. I was the only one felt like the question were mindless or too common. One of the brother asked a statement to seek for the opinion. I quickly disagreed with him because the statement was not totally correct. The brother stunned and utter-less. But the adviser was very kind and answered his question. I didn't realized i had put the brother in a " embarrassed" condition. After the meeting finished, suddenly i felt like my head had been knock by the rock. I found out i had make a small mistake. They were having a interview session with the adviser so that could get more different opinion from different people. I was the only " innocent rabbit" that run into the group and caused a chaos to them. They have to ask a common question or current phenomenon in the society to the mentor so that they can get different idea and perspective. I shouldn't disagreed with the brother on the spot. I should be understand the condition and give the brother chances to talk and give opinion. Even though is not a interview session, whenever we have a discussion, we must give people opportunities to talk and give common. We as a listener should not disagree with them immediately, we should think first and try to understand what is the messages people try to convey to us. Second lesson is - give other people to talk and we be the active listener. Do not judge a person statement immediately, try to understand why they said so before we come to a conclusion.
"Listen to others non-judgmentally and impartially, without thoughts of condemnation,self -interest, evaluation. "
There are still a lot to learn the " art of speaking". Please think before we speak. Words can be like a sharp knife, once we said it out, the wound will never recover. There is always a wound.
Speak wisely.
"When about to speak of one to another,
consider first if you would say it directly to that person-
same intention
same words
same tone,
if not, it is best to remain silent. "
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