Monday, August 17, 2009

Who should I blame for?

Who should I blame for the decision that had make?

Who should I blame?

Since Form 2 in my secondary school, i have strong interest in counseling and psychology. From the time onward, I dream to become a counselor/ psychologist. So, after Form 5, I decided to go for private college to further study in psychology. However, due to my family financial problem, I chosen to study Form 6 so that I can enter local university to get the counseling course.

We had science and art class in Form 6. Before I entered Form 6, I consulted my counselor teacher in the school that which class should I joined to get entry in counseling course in university. My counselor teacher advised me to choose science class, she said counseling course in local university need science as one of the qualification. I chose biological science class.

After one year in Form 6, I managed to borrow the university guide book from my senior to have a look. I found out the qualification for counseling course was art as basic. The news was a "nightmare " for me. What can I do now? Who should i blame for that time? Truthfully speaking, i really blamed the counselor teacher. I was so angry that time, she ruined my future.

On the other hand, I still did not gave up my dream. So, I had a new ambition to become a psychiatrist. However, I did not have any information about psychiatry. I just knew that i need to complete my 5 years medicine in university then further study master in psychiatry. It was a very tough decision. Because i needed to study very hard to get high score in my final exam STPM that equivalent to "A" level. STPM is a very difficult exam to score too. Fortunately, after 2 years hard work I managed to score good result and entered the local university study Bachelor of medicine .

During the 5 years in university, I found out that this is not the life i wanted. There was still a long way for me to become a psychiatrist. However, i realized that psychiatry do not suit me. I did not think that i had wasted the 5 years. I have met a lot of mentor and friends, they helped me and guided me during the university life. At least i have a good exposure in medicine.

After 5 years of study, we need to complete 2 years of houseman ship (internship) then continue for 3 years government services. During the 3 years time, we can further study in to become a specialist or master. So, i give myself another chance to continue and become a houseman first. Then only decide my future.

The houseman ship was a new exposure to me. I really like to help and serve the patients. But the life as a houseman ship is very tough. We are not given rest day for the 2 years houseman except we take our own leave. We need to complete 6 posting in 2 years, each posting minimum 4 months. We only can take minimum 8 days for each posting. No MC is allow, if we take MC , our 8 days leave will be "burn". Furthermore, we need to on-call every 2-3 days. ( On-call mean works from 7am to the next day 5pm). I did not get enough sleep, eat , drink and also no time to go washroom. Everyday is tired....

I started to think again...... Who should i blame for now? The counselor teacher that give the wrong advice? Or me that choose to study medicine? I was so confused....

I still very eager to study psychology. I have to think if i continue my houseman ship, no one can guarantee that i am going to have quality life for the next few years. It is a very tough decision to make. If i quit my houseman ship, i will lost the chance to become a qualified doctor. I also must face the people that against and disappointed about my decision.

Finally, i decided to quit and plan to further study in psychology. Even though i know i have to start everything again. I have confidence that i will be success in my future.

Who should i blame for, if i have fail in the future?

Who should i blame for that causing me chosen the wrong path?

Who should i blame for?

Should i blame myself for choosing the path or now changing my mind?

NO, there are no one to blame for. I realized that after so many hardship i had faced. I shouldn't blame anyone included myself. For example the counselor teacher, i should seek more information then only make decision. I should not just blindly believe. But there are no " IF I HAVE DONE THIS, THEN....." If i know earlier, it will not happen. So, it mean that we do not know what will happen in the future. That is what i mean no " IF". I shouldn't blame myself too, i didn't know i couldn't adapt to doctor life. The most important thing is " blaming wouldn't change anything, i cannot start everything again. " If i can start all over again, i might complaint and regret too. Because people never satisfied with the decision they make. Human being always regret. So, i learned that do not regret whatever decision i had make. Try my best, enjoy the process and accept the result.

Who should blame for? NO ONE.

" If you are reading my blog now, do something and change your life now. Do not wait until you have no chance to change at all. If you need a change, do it now, don't wait, don't blame."

2 comments:

Y^-^Y said...

Yes.In such case I can see that, teachers are very influential. I learned this from very early of my life. Every single word they say, might influence one's decision, life, and future...My parents are teacher,so i know. That teacher shouldn't pretend that she knew everything by giving false information, instead, she should double check everything, and make correction if she found out she was wrong. Anyway,there is no use blaming anyone. Life is short, but, full of chances.I depends on how are going to live your life.I believe u can find your happiness someday.good luck.

Purna said...

Blame cannot escape anyone. No matter how kind and thoughtful you are, you will be blame. there's a story which i have heard not very long ago about the greastest teacher of all time " the Buddha". he was even being blame for causing a young maid pregnant. however because of him knowing that he cannot escape blame he did not refuted. he just let them blame him. the young maid who had a bad intention of smearing his name was very mad because the master did not react at all to the blame. she started jumping and yelling to get more attention. upon doing this, a pillow came of out her belly and her bad act was discover.

Sometimes, the only way for us to deal with blame is just " let it happen" and be contended cos they are all part of this nature.

 
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